Can one be a little bit gay?
I’ve been asked by followers before to explain my sexual orientation and you know what? I have no idea what it is. I love penis, that is a fact. But I’ve never had sex (I’m one of those “everything but” girls), and going down on a guy… well he’d have to be a pretty special guy for me to enjoy it (I want to enjoy it, but most of the time I feel forced into it).
Lately I’ve come to grips with my attraction to women. This has been and is still very hard for me to figure out. I was raised in a very conservative Christian family and, when I was younger, my parents taught me that being gay is a sin. Now, however, their views on that have changed, but you can imagine what sort of imprint that leaves on a young girl. I remember really being vehement about it, convicted in my belief that it was “wrong”. So you can imagine my shock when I would have vivid sexual dreams involving the same sex, or dreams of myself being in a successful and happy same-sex relationship. I was always so repulsed by these dreams but I wonder now how much of that was my fear to disappoint my parents’ very backwards belief.
I don’t think I could ever be sexual with a woman - and by that I mean comfortably sexual. Point blank I don’t think I could ever go down on a woman (which is weird, cause I mentioned my dislike for doing so with a man just earlier. Is this just a general disdain or…?). But I love women’s bodies, and find myself attracted to them. Still though, I’m so uncomfortable with the idea of me being with a woman. I just don’t know if it’s an automatic reflex of fear because of how I was raised, or that I just prefer an a-sexual relationship with women (am I using this term right here?).
Seriously though. I’m so confused. I can imagine myself in a relationship with a woman but I just can’t imagine having sex with her. I could have sex with a woman in a three-way (I think, or at least, the idea turns me on). What does that mean?
Wow so much emotional vomit. Sorry guys. I know this isn’t what you follow me for but I think tonight I’ve just realized some things about my sexuality.
So can one be a little bit gay? Is that even a thing? I wasn’t ever taught about this stuff and I just don’t even know.